....exactly 10 years ago whilst deeply engrossed in Peter Gabriel's DVD of one of his magnificent concerts, I had a sudden feel to one day direct conceptual concerts in Mzansi.
I never forgot this desire instead I locked it safely in my desire compartment and left it there for the Gods to handle.
On the 29th of June 2014 I bumped into Dr Simo Lushaba a brother, angel and mentor who would become the bridge between a moment and that very specific 10yr old desire. His proposition changed my perspective forever.
To cut a long process short imagine... 9 Maskandi groups, each group comes with close to 10 dancers and back up singers , 2 weeks to put together a musical theatre show/ launch, where these maskandi artists would have to double up as actors. Direction by a 32yr old black female who has absolutely zero knowledge of Maskandi music culture and struggles immensely with her own very basic knowledge of existence as a Zulu woman in this space called the world....
now with panic systems good to go the only thing that can save us is Flight or Fight, we all choose to Fight and boy did we all Fight.
We fight for our presence to be recognised in things termed "izinto zabelungu noma abantu abafundile" But most of all we fight to understand and to be understood. Now I find that to understand is not always easy because it requires that "AHA!" moment (made famous by Miss Winfrey) only recognised if one is willing to search. My Christianised mind starts to seek with confidence to find , to refuse to conform instead opt for transformation through the renewal of my mind.
Dare I say that I am in trouble already as I am now on an intellectual/ ego trip. I quickly realise that I would have to ask the Intellectual/ Ego taxi to drop me off at home because my heart is what I will need to cope with this mammoth task.
I go home to my heart to search and never have I found such love during a creation. I learn the extent of colonisation that has taken place in my body, I learn that a mind is not a natural organ but rather a concept, I learn that the only reason I went to school was to teach myself thanks to Kgafela who makes me aware of this opinion. I learn that knowing and feeling are different emotions used for different purposes and for this purpose I learn that I would have to feel more than I know.
On the 19th of September during a disastrous final dress where the drummer fails to pitch I realise gazing from the lighting booth that I was totally out of order to expect these amazing artists to act to feel, to them what inhibits them is either alive or dead, they can either feel or not feel but one thing they cannot do is pretend to feel. At that moment I realised that I had to quickly revisit my so called professional education that taught my mind to act feeling and acknowledge that perhaps this was not the truth for this particular moment.
Conclusions drawn, probably indefinite as life is a long masterclass...
- Art to the African was never a vocation but rather an expression of worship and feeling
- Truth for the African can only be acquired when he decides to consult with his heart. The drum therefore serves as the heartbeat.
- I think in English because my mind is made in English therefore it often has the tendency to react in an Anglicised manner causing a lot of conflict within myself and those I interact with.
- I am afraid that Africa might be a concept doomed towards extinction however if we continue to breathe to live, the Truth will always be a part of us.
- I am alive because I can feel and also think however thoughts are defined and influenced by the circumstances surrounding a human being.
- Africa is probably a desperate concept, a concept I am most desperate for.
I wonder if I should have published this ....
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