Dear Blog

Johannesburg, Jozi Maboneng, iGoli, Kwandonga ziyaduma, The promised land for many and a dungeon of shattered dreams for some.

After much thought and deliberation I opted for this city or rather this city opted for me. It lured me into its epicentre , It trapped my dreams , refocused my vision and stripped my soul naked as it had done to many just like me. It opened me up, showed me my truth my untainted truth, and led me to this very question KONJE NGANGIZOKWENZANI LAPHA? The answer changes all the time.

Egoli ngifike ngathola umsebenzi, ngathola umgogodla, ngathola indoda, ngathola abantwana ngatholwa amakhaza, umoya owomile wangiphashisa, ilanga langomisa, umsindo wangidida, izintaba zasezimayini zangikhombisa ukuthi ukuze litholakale leliGolide elikimina kuzomele ngigujwe to the depth of my soul. At times I feel exposed, opened up, drilled to my core, imicabango namaphupho ami edlwenguliwe, umgogodla wami ukhathele and my values questioned.
 
At times I choose to be moved by sorrow, pain and frustration and I neglect the beauty that is me. The beauty that is God , The Beauty that is in you sorrowful, pain stricken and frustration riddled  beautiful Johannesburg.
 

For the first time after a long time I allowed Beauty to move me

Jemmiro Arts

Dear Mr or Mrs Blog

Now am not sure whether you are man or woman , before I was convinced you were neither.


anywho here are some random Quotes from my mind to feed your habit and take away my edge....


"We keep saying when we are old not realising that we grow older by the second"

"My eyes have perfect sight of the moon and it shines bright towards my direction. So why should I grow weary?"

"Let every moment have its own moment rather than involving other moments into this very moment"

"I chose to see the stars and my eyes began to speak a different language, my heart sang a different song and my night suddenly became bright."

"I have a dream that love shall be set free."

"I may be fooled to think I own this vessel that is my body but even the fool that I am realises that I don't own the content inside of it."

"It seems like my spirit is renting space in my body."

"Faith leads one to stand up and fight, meaning it gives one courage."

"perfection is in the eye of the beholder."

"Temptation the woman with a sweet yet poisonous voice."

"wondering how it would have been thinking maybe it could have been exactly like this"

"I'm thirsty for .... amuse yourself fill in something you would never say. Breaking stereotypes starting with self"

"Position yourself so that the sun shines bright in your favour. having said that don't forget to wear sun screen and give others the chance to also bask."

"I sing with every being of my soul. My heart ululates whilst my feet beat an unforgettable rhythm."

"God is HUGE u can't contain, box or own this Force "

"To END is to BEGIN in this circle of LIFE"
                                                                                                                                       Hlengiwe's Psalms

                                                    

             " Ngiphakamisela amehlo ami ezintabeni lapho usizo lwami luvela khona" 

David's Psalm

Dear Blog

Desperation! Desperation! Desperation!

The Desperation of my black dark mind causes me to seek for Gratification, Peace and Love in places that dehumanise me, in places that take away ubumina and belittles imibono yami nemicabango yami.
I am reduced to isithunzela forsaking my Spirit, my God and my great Destiny.

I wait in long queues everyday to receive a Blessing from a man who himself is desperate for this Blessing.
He gives me water and vaseline to take away my desperation , I believe and viola it works?

I wait again for a desperate 5 years to be given a T-shirt and a promise yokwakhelwa iRDP (reconstruction and development program)  house ngiphinde ngikhushulelwe imali yeqolo ngo R10. 
Ngoba I am so desperate I go ahead and once again queue from dusk till dawn to cast my vote for a man who is oh so desperate, resorting to desperate measures for power and recognition. This leaves me truly reconstructed and in need of a program to develop my sense of pride.

My desperate black dark mind supresses my own reasoning causing me to say yes its fine that another person of a different ethnicity and background should determine how I fix my hair, colour my face and adorn my body that is uniquely mine. So I find myself once again queuing to be told by a Chinese man what hair extension I should fix on my crown of glory. Thinking that this is going to extend me to my Glory I go ahead use imali yeqolo lami elingalali lisebenzela abantwana bami and buy this hair extension only to realise 5 yrs down the line that it has stolen my crown and left me bald.

Ok now I'm bald my head is a playground for foreign ideas and philosophies. I leave umuzi wami nabantwana bami ngiyosebenza emazweni ngisebenza amashift awu 3 ngelanga ngisebenzela imali yetransport nerent kanye netax. hooweee!!! ngaze ngakhathala ,ngaze nga desperate for someone to touch my feet, massage iqolo lami and listen to the blab that comes out of my desperate lips.
Its not long before I find a man or a woman who is desperate for praise, love and a mat to wipe his or her feet on. She or he kneels and I jump up and down saying "yes, yes, yes  I will"  only to find that his or her knees are now resting on my neck causing me to suffocate.

Perhaps if I'm lucky I will be found resting my bald black dark corrupted and twisted head on the fast train to neverland but if I'm not I will be deported back to my black dark mind never to return.

             Lost in the stars "Trouble Man" the Baron Samedi interpretation

 

Dear Blog

 

I guess perhaps this medium serves as a higher-grade diary which gives me permission  to speak my thoughts.... well I think alot about my Blackness "Ubuntu bami" or perhaps Ubumnyama bami. So if I should go on and on and on and ON about this it should be OK because these are my thoughts and Dear Blog isn't that what you're about "Peoples thoughts".

 

So today I thought about my Blackness again!!! It should be a boring thought and subject matter in my head now, somehow I wish my brain could just reject it and quickly move it to the spam mail session in my gut but hey it feels like it's been saved forever and not about to be erased any time soon.

 

"OK get to the point Hlengi". Well taking a taxi from Kya Sands to Roodepoort made me realise once again that the Black mind is so "suppressed"  ucindezelekile umqondo womuntu onsundu, this just makes me wanna yell out SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

SHAME! on me for being a 31year old mother of four with a diploma and a job and yet still subjects herself to taxis well rather to the taxi mentality "I don't get this".

SHAME! on that queue Marshall who keeps pulling kissing faces every time he sees a pretty woman, I wonder if his face doesn't lock into spasms.

SHAME! on that rude taxi  driver who assumes that everyone who climbs into his Boss's taxi knows exactly where they are going and that the person sitting in front has a CCD "Counting Change Degree".

SHAME! on that old Baba who is so opinionated thinking that the taxi is his house and that he should dictate to everyone exactly where to jump off, and Finally since it is Women's month a big SHAME!!! on that woman who finds joy in putting down another sister, embarrassing her in public.

SHAME!!! SHAME!!! SHAME!!! on this mental slavery that continues to dominate our thoughts and actions. Today I felt sooooooo ASHAMED!

 

Isende indlela, ngiqalaphi ukucabangisisa okomuntu okhululekile. Konke engikwenzayo nengikucabangayo somehow has a direct relationship with my blackness. Ngisho nokucabanga ngolimi lwami kuyinkinga. But wait a minute luyini ulimi lwami, yingabe yilolu oluhalela imagnum ice cream eyenziwe eUnilever in La Lucia. Noma yilolu olungayidli inyama or wait a minute mhlawumbe yilolu oluthanda ucheese no fish wase West Africa... Kwaze kwanzima Maye ngilamuleleni!!! Singing- "Ngaphesheya Ngaphesheya ,Ngiyakphumula ngiyakujabula, Ngaphesheya Ngaphesheya Mhla ngifike zweni Ngaphesheya"

 

Highway to Heaven Paradise Road "a simple tale of Colonialism"